A Powerful Tool for Building Resilience
Praise vs. Encouragement
Here is a table indicating the common effects, based on academic research, of praise and encouragement:
| Praise | Encouragement | |
| weakens resilience & perseverance | creates perseverance & emotional resilience | |
| evaluative and judgmental; person feels “judged” | person feels “accepted” & loved unconditionally | |
| fosters selfishness (actions at the expense of others) | fosters self-care, which benefits everyone | |
| stimulates rivalry | stimulates cooperation and contribution for the good of all | |
| fosters a fear of failure /perfectionism | fosters an acceptance of being imperfect (necessary for taking healthy risks) | |
| fosters emotional dependency on others, anxiety, defensiveness, weakens ability to follow intuition, weakens self-discipline | fosters self-esteem, confidence, independence, self-motivation, and self-discipline |
Sample statements:
| Praise | Encouragement (focus on effort) |
| You are so smart. | You figured it out. |
| Good job getting ready on time. | I noticed you tried very hard to be on time. |
| You’re a good swimmer! | You did it! |
| I am so proud of you. | I think you should be proud of yourself. |
| You’re a good helper. | Thank you for your help, it made my day easier. |
| The picture you drew is so pretty! | Do you want to tell me about your picture? |
| You are such a good girl/big girl. | I appreciate your help, |
| I like what you did. | How do you feel about what you did? |
“A child needs encouragement, like a plant needs water.”
Rudolf Dreikurs